Proud to Be Fandom

Someone told me something today that, at first, really hurt my feelings. I was essentially told that I shouldn't talk about my "fantasy games" (aka Pokemon) with anyone else except "kids."

Previously, I have discussed that I understand that some people find things that I like to be weird or even ugly, and I get that the things I like are not for everyone. Not liking something because of it's artistic style, content, or storyline is something that I can understand, but let's take a moment to appreciate that I was being told that certain conversations, such as my "fantasy games" (I don't think I'll get over that phrasing), were not fit topics for adult discussion. I may always be young at heart, but I do take offense to the implication that my interests are not up to snuff on what others consider "mature."

Because you cannot hear my tone through this keyboard, I will tell you that I quickly progressed from hurt to mad in less than thirty seconds. In fact, I'm currently seething. It wasn't just a reflection on a game choice, it was a reflection on my hobbies, interests, and life outside of a work context. Although I am sure that the comment wasn't meant to be taken as a slight toward what I consider my identity, the fact remains that I do consider life in fandom a huge part of who I am.

Let's consider, for a moment, that what I had been talking about was a sports team instead of something fandom related. Would I have gotten an eye roll? Maybe just a general look to convey lack of interest? Most certainly not the suggestion that what I liked was somehow inappropriate or embarrassing to the general adult population. Because sports fans are allowed to be rabidly energetic, and it's somehow socially acceptable for them to wear body paint to a stadium but not acceptable for me to cosplay at a convention.

This is in no way a rally against sports fans--they're a part of their own intricate fandom without calling it such. Even though I am not a fan of a particular sport or team, I still enjoy being around sports fans. They are enthusiastic and unashamed about what they love, and I want other fans to have the same courtesy of not being considered socially impaired for being a part of a fandom that they enjoy.

Maybe you're a fan of something, something I'm not a fan of, but that's O.K. In fact, that's great. You know why? Because if you're a fan of something, of anything, I can respect your passion as fellow fan. We don't have to be on the same ship to know that other fans are our lifeboats. 

Once again, I will post this quote from John Green, sage master of words and pizza: 

"Nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like, jump-up-and-down-in-your-chair-can't-control-yourself love it." - John Green

My Super Power is Panic

I'm going on a trip. It's been something I've been planning for a while, for years actually. So when I periodically break down in tears and go through every possible disaster scenario from forgetting to pack underwear to natural catastrophes, it's normal for people to wonder if I really wanted to go in the first place. And the truth is simple--I really don't want to go.

You an me both, Doctor. (X)

To sum it up, the following conversation occurred with my grandmother about five days ago.

Grandmother: "Haven't you been talking about this for years?"
Me: "Yes."
Grandmother: "Didn't you plan the trip?"
Me: "Yes."
Grandmother: "But you just said you didn't want to go."
Me: "I know. I don't."
Grandmother: ". . . I don't understand."
Me: "Neither do I."

The not-so-entirely-true part is that I do understand, I have Panic Disorder. I can dedicate another post to panic and anxiety disorders (or you can follow this link if you're curious) but I think it can be accurately described in a single gif.

Periodically, I do this for seemingly no reason. (X)

Then why, exactly, am I doing this to myself? Why put myself through Dean-Winchester-on-a-plane level of anxiety and panic? Mostly because, as much as I have just stated the opposite, I do want to go. The biggest problem for a person that has Panic Disorder is that they also have the travel bug or a love of foreign places. Also, if I didn't make myself go on these amazing trips, I might never leave the house.

I know that once I get there, even once I reach the airport, I'll turn into a very different person. Someone who loves travel and adventure, and who is capable of making her own dreams come true. It's just the anticipation that's killing me.

If home was the TARDIS I'd never leave it (x)

In the mean time, I have left F4H in the capable hands of alliartist and she will do a post in my absence. If I can find a computer for long enough to write a post while I'm there, I shall. Wish me luck!

The Anime Way

I had the unusual experience of being introduced to anime as a regular part of my early childhood. I watched movies like Unico and Totoro until I knew them by heart, and though I didn't know the difference between Japanese anime and "regular" cartoons, I sought out the specific artistic style of anime and the underlying philosophical tones that were often absent from western cartoons.

What many people did not understand about anime was that it was the overt philosophical ideas that kept me interested. Sure, Bugs Bunny was funny, but Totoro was about being a family and respecting the environment. Kiki's Delivery Service taught me to be innovative and to work with whatever skills I have. Princess Mononoke pushed the limits of my imagination and made me think about how to reconcile spirituality and nature with the push of technology and the expansion of urbanization.

But the story that has stayed with me the most is that of Chihiro in the movie Spirited Away.

Chihiro reminded me of myself. Gif from rebloggy.com

A ten year old girl moving to a new town suddenly finds herself in the Otherworld, filled with spirits and ghosts. It's akin to the old European stories about fairies and the sidhe. Chihiro loses her parents, her name, and her world in one afternoon. She was dropped into the precarious situation of trying to survive and get home, and being brave enough to save her parents, too.

I can't say that I have ever been put in such dire circumstances, but I knew (as I am sure everyone knows) the fear and uncertainty of a new situation. Even though Chihiro starts out as a bit whiny, she more than rises to the trials set before her. And the best part was that the story allowed for scenes where Chihiro could show how afraid she was, before pulling herself together and continuing with the job at hand.

Jobs are sorta hard without hands. Image from pagesource.com

From an early age, I could I identify with the characters in Miyazaki's films by artistic style and storyline. Chihiro is the best example, because I feel an affinity toward her, but his other films also give strong role models that are not often seen in western equivalent. The philosophical connotations of Spirited Away are in no way over looked by a child, as adults tend to think. And I think that's the reason I loved anime so much, because the writers and artists showed me something more than vapid slapstick comedy.

I still get a few funny looks when I turn on my favorite anime on Saturday night. I guess others just aren't as sophisticated.